Ep.77 / The Psychology of Who You Keep Around
Discover the psychology behind how your friendships, family, and environment shape your habits, mindset, and success. Learn how to set boundaries, let go of toxic relationships, and build a healthier circle this year.
Title: New Year, New Energy: The Psychology of Who You Keep Around
Every January we do the same thing.
We buy a planner. We download a habit tracker. We swear this is the year we drink more water, text back faster, and finally become the kind of person who meal preps without complaining about it.
We focus on goals.
But here’s the plot twist nobody talks about.
Your life probably isn’t shaped by your goals.
It’s shaped by your people.
Not in an inspirational “we are the world” way. In a very scientific, slightly uncomfortable, oh-no-this-makes-too-much-sense kind of way.
Psychology shows that we unconsciously mirror the behaviors, emotions, and beliefs of the people we spend the most time with. Which means your friendships, your family dynamics, your coworkers, your group chat, and yes — even that one friend who “thrives in chaos” — are quietly influencing your habits every single day.
So before you reinvent yourself this year, it might be worth asking:
Who am I standing next to?
Because you don’t rise to your goals.
You drift toward your environment.
The Science Behind It
There’s actual research on this. Not just motivational quote energy.
Behavioral psychology calls it social contagion and mirror neurons. Basically, our brains are wired to copy the people around us so we can fit in and feel safe. It’s an old survival thing. Caveman brain logic. Blend in or get eaten.
So we subconsciously adopt speech patterns, attitudes, habits, even stress responses from the people closest to us.
If your circle works out, you’re more likely to work out.
If your circle complains nonstop, you start complaining nonstop.
If your friends are ambitious, you feel motivated.
If your friends live in drama, suddenly your life feels like a reality show.
It’s not weakness. It’s wiring.
And honestly? It’s kind of wild when you realize how much of “your personality” is just… proximity.
Friendships Are Either Fuel or Friction
Think about how you feel after hanging out with certain people.
Some friends feel like sunlight. You leave lighter. Inspired. Calm. Seen.
Other people feel like an emotional hangover. You leave exhausted, questioning yourself, replaying conversations, wondering why you suddenly feel small.
That’s data.
Your nervous system is literally telling you something.
Healthy relationships regulate you. Unhealthy ones dysregulate you.
And yet we keep certain friendships out of history, guilt, or “but we’ve known each other forever.”
Time served is not a reason to stay.
This isn’t jail.
Family Patterns Hit Even Harder
Here’s where it gets spicy.
Family dynamics often shape us even more than friendships because they’re baked into childhood. Which means we learned these patterns before we had critical thinking skills.
If you grew up around stress, you might think chaos is normal.
If you grew up around criticism, you might think love sounds like judgment.
If you grew up caretaking everyone, you might think your needs are optional.
And then we carry those patterns into adulthood like, “This is just who I am.”
No babe. That’s conditioning.
The good news is conditioning can be changed.
But first you have to notice it.
The Friendship Audit (Try This)
Instead of dramatic “cut everyone off” energy, try something calmer and more grounded.
Do a friendship audit.
After spending time with someone, ask:
Do I feel energized or drained?
Do I feel more like myself or less?
Do I feel supported or judged?
Do they celebrate my growth or subtly compete with me?
No drama. Just information.
You’re not labeling people as bad. You’re just noticing compatibility.
Not everyone is meant to come into the next chapter with you.
And that’s okay.
You’re allowed to outgrow rooms.
Boundaries Are Not Mean
Let’s kill this myth right now.
Boundaries are not rejection. They’re clarity.
They’re not “I hate you.”
They’re “This is what works for me.”
You can love someone and still limit access.
You can care and still say no.
You can wish someone well and still not invite them into your daily life.
That’s not cold.
That’s emotional maturity.
Think of boundaries like furniture placement. You’re just deciding where things go so you can actually walk through your own house without tripping.
Curate Your Circle On Purpose
Here’s the fun part.
If influence is inevitable, you might as well design it intentionally.
Spend more time with people who:
Talk about ideas instead of people.
Take care of their health.
Go after goals.
Communicate directly.
Respect your time.
Make you laugh until your stomach hurts.
Because their habits will rub off on you whether you try or not.
Proximity works both ways.
You don’t have to force motivation.
Just stand closer to it.
Final Thought
This year doesn’t need a new personality.
You don’t need a 5am routine and a green juice and a life coach named Chad.
Sometimes growth is simpler.
Sometimes it’s just:
less chaos
fewer draining conversations
clearer boundaries
better company
That’s it.
Protect your energy like it’s expensive.
Because honestly?
It is.